The Kid, the Diplomat and the Tyrant

The Blue Notebooks

2010-08-17T08:36:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard songs, songs that depicts the dark silent turmoil in your heart.

Multiple strings, all playing different notes. Disconnected. Haunting. Chaotic yet melodious and soothing to a troubled mind.

Shocking. Intensity. Clarity.

détaché traîné

I am not angry at what you did. I am just terribly sad. How could you? How could you have betrayed the trust?

Real Love

2010-06-13T01:27:00.000-07:00

Once in awhile, you come across a song that just hits you at a particular point of time in your life and through some unseen energy, infuses it with your soul.

The last time this happened to me was 3 years ago when I chance upon Fiona Apple's version of Across the Universe.

This happened to me again recently. And it so happens, it is another one of Beatles' song.

Real Love

All my little plans and schemes,

lost like some forgotten dreams.

Seems that all I really was doing

was waitin' for you.

Just like little girls and boys,

playing with their little toys.

Seems like all we really were doing

was waitin' for love.

Don't need to be alone,

No need to be alone.

It's real love, it's real,

Yes it's real love, it's real.

From this moment on I know,

exactly where my life will go.

Seems that all I really was doing

was waitin' for love.

Don't need to be afraid,

No need to be afraid.

It's real love, it's real,

Yes it's real love, it's real.

Thought I'd been in love before,

but in my heart I wanted more.

Seems like all I really was doing

was waitin' for you.

Don't to be alone,

No need to be alone.

It's real love, yeah it's real,

It's real love, it's real,

Yes, it's real love, it's real,

It's real love, it's real,

Yes it's real love, it's real,

It's real love, it's real,

Yes it's real love, it's real,

It's real love, it's real,

Yes it's real love....

Ody

2009-04-30T09:44:00.000-07:00

* Updated: This post is about two months old.

A few weeks back, I went out to get Cel a puppy.

I did the unthinkable by getting her a POODLE. You know, those ugly looking monsters which are shaved all over and their furs puffed up at all the wrong places to provide the image of glamour.

See, that was the stereotype I had of poodles before I got Ody. But after extensive research online, poodles are believed to be the second brightest dogs out there. Anyways, we've decided to name him Ody after Odysseus from the epic Greek poem Odyssey.

Talking About Professionalism or the Lack of.....

2009-04-21T10:21:00.000-07:00

I have recently been working on a rather complex contract. There is the Singapore team that takes care of project migration, then there is the Malaysian team that takes care of the company's internal IT helpdesk and BAU matters.

So we have to interface with SG, MY and the internal IT helpdesk. There is this constant invisible tug of war between all this team. It's seriously a headache. How do you build and implement process when the bottle neck is the customer itself??!!

But anyway, I just wanted to comment on the difference between the teams in Singapore and Malaysia. During the entire migration stage, our main interface was Singapore. Professional and focus people albeit a little too emotional at times. But they know their stuff and they make sound decisions.

Now that the migration has come to a close, they are shifting the management of my services to the MY team. This is where the joke starts. The MY team is clueless of what is happening! They come to us with non-relevant request and just keep pointing fingers at us whenever something goes wrong.

It is embarrassing at how inefficient the MY team is. They have no idea of time as seen from their constant absentee and unpunctual attendance for conference meeting. I mean they have no idea of proper meeting etiquatte.

The contrast between the SG and MY team is so obvious. The SG team always attends the meeting prepared as we. But the MY team are all over the place. It is so frustrating that it isn't funny. And this is suppose to be a MNC. Is this the kind of quality that Malaysia produces??

And they are suppose to manage US???!!!! Die lor like that!

China's Religiousness

2008-09-08T09:25:00.000-07:00

I was having a chat with some Chinese colleagues of mine today after our training session. We were discussing on the topic of religion. As much as I am aware of the fact that China have been under communistic rule for the past 3 generations, it is still hard to comprehend such a large majority of Chinese that has lived without any form of religion or spirituality.

Coming from Malaysia, where Chinese are synonymous with ancestral worship and the worship of Buddha, it comes across as strange that the majority of the Chinese in China are atheist. They referred to ancestral worship as superstition. I for one do not see ancestral or idol worship as superstition. Religion, definitely. Faith, maybe. But superstition it is not.

Superstition is when you believe that the back of your ear will get cut if you point at the full moon. Superstition is when you pray to Jesus for a parking lot in a crowded mall. But faith and spirituality is a mixture of ancient teaching, historical facts, awe and belief.

As per communistic beliefs, everything can be explain through science. Religion is primitive and has no part in a modern society such as China. Religion has limited men for too long. It has tied societies down with fear and ridiculous practises that has bound human kind for too long. We are at the mercy of immoral religious pretenders. We are susceptible to the holier than thou syndrom. It creates a gap and it separates neighbours and more often than not it creates unnecessary tension.

You see, I can understand their point of view. I can rationalize as an atheist. But the one thing that an atheist will never understand is spirituality. Spirituality is an extension of faith. It is because you have faith in the unseen that you are able to enjoy the fruits of spiritually. It is through faith that you experience divine peace. A light at your darkest hour, hope in your neediest hour.

But this will always result in the age old argument of the chicken and egg. Why do we need faith when men has proved since time memorial that we are able to make it on our own accord, without religion, without God?

Perhaps, faith keeps us on track to goodness.

Lingering Thoughts

2008-09-06T20:01:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning feeling a sense of emptiness in me. A longing for something that I never thought I would.

The week after I left Pune, I thought to myself, good ridance. Onward to Dalian, more developed city, where I can understand the majority of the public and the majority of the public can understand me.

At least that was what I thought. But now, after moving here I suddently missed India. It is indeed strange. I longed for the lazy weekend mornings, the travels and the life.

Was there really such a deep connection? Was it the Ganges or the Deccan or the Himalayas? They will always be cherishable memories, but their recollection has been clear as day despite time.

Was it the life there? The sunrises and sunsets? Or was it the flocks of wild parakeets in the heart of the city? To go into detail would be too much. The food, the country side, the literature, the people, the spirituality, the colors, there will be no end.

One can never really understand India. To the outside world, India is chaotic. The traffic, the people, the lack of a system, but it is everyday life to locals. It was everyday life to me for three and a half years.

Somehow, life just take all this chaos, put them together and you get the functionality of one of the oldest surviving civilization in the world. Something always affect another in this land of the free.

Yet I feel this would change very soon as modernization and development continues in India. 3 and a half years is a long time and it has been a difficult but good chapter in my life.

Lunch time reading

2008-08-28T21:48:00.000-07:00

Barisan National 2008 Manifesto

KeADILan 2008 Manifesto

You decide.

Dalian and the Western Perception

2008-08-28T07:54:00.000-07:00

Have been too busy to blog lately; you know all those stuff associated with relocation, traveling, moving, shopping, having fun and of course, work.

So how's Dalian?

Dalian is pleasant. Considering China's history, Dalian is pretty much still in it's infancy stage. It's population is half of Pune city but in terms of area mass it's twice the size. It's your typical Chinese city. Efficient public transportation system, good infrastructures, but what I like about it is its beaches. The air is fresh, with a nice constant breeze in the summer. It's going into autumn now. The winter is something I really need to prepare myself for. (-14? I'm gonna freeze my balls off!)

So how's China? Not much surprises, I have got my dose of culture shock back in 2001 during my first visit here. But i am beginning to accept that there are some truths in the western criticism of China. The Beijing Olympics came and went. The opening was spectacular,I mean do you expect anything less from Zhang Yimou? And there was the reports on the lip-synch incident, and the graphic touch-up of the foot steps display but really does these things matter?

A sloppy argument would be that this was the showcase of China's capabilities, technology, talent and beauty. But that's not the point I would want to make here. That would be a heavy dialogue on ethics. The point I want to make here is really the western's perception of China.

No doubt there are a lot of prejudice resulting from the fear of a socialist superpower, but the western media is also guilty of playing on these sentiments. Take for instance the recent contract I have been working on. This German company has recently sign a US$25 million contract for my company to design, implement and support a solution for their ICT needs. The support was contracted to be provide from our Dalian centre.

Three weeks before their services go-live, they tell us they refused to let Dalian support their network. I mean what the hell? Nine months of running around, designing the network, building the support model, recruitment and training and they say they want to pull the plug?

And you know for what reason? They are afraid that their intellectual property might get stolen. Their management stated that there have been reports that the Chinese governments are putting spies into MNCs to steal their intellectual property. Employee espionage is what my manager calls it. So of course I got pissed off. I did my research on hacking and wrote a report on how our centre in Dalian is not able to steal their intellectual property.

It was too far fetch. But after further discussion and reading up on the matter, I realized that perhaps there really is something for this westerners to fear. Considering the lack of ethics in the Chinese people, it is no surprise that they do not follow copyright laws. I mean I have read of a Chinese company that copied an entire motorcycle from India and selling it in South American.

So I am not surprise that this company was cautious. But the government? Planting spies? I mean we are no longer in the Cold War era. So you see, there is a certain level of prejudice here. Anyways, the reality is that it is just not possible for our engineers to be stealing their IP from our centre here.

WTF

2008-07-02T05:20:00.000-07:00

This just happen 10 minutes ago and it pissed me so bad I had to blog about it. The racism in this country is fucking ridiculous!

I employed a coolie to help me move my stuff. We walked into my apartment lobby with me and proceeded to the lift. A guard immediately stopped him and told him to take the stairs. I mean WTF??? Just because he is a coolie he can't use the elevator? Even with the resident accompanying him? I mean WTF???

And on top of that, as soon as we shifted everything to the ground floor, a group of guards gathered around us. "Shifting no use elevator." The head guard told me in broken English. The coolie told him to cool down, but the guard went on insisting that we can't use the elevator to shift my belongings.

I mean what is wrong with these guys. First, they discriminate their own race by not allowing them to use the elevator because they are coolies. Secondly, they expect the coolies to do ridiculously hard labor without providing them the assistance of even using the elevator.

For argument sake, I stay on the second floor, so even without using the elevator, we can manage. But what about those that stay on the 10th floor?? I mean WTF man! As much as we do pay them but how much do we really pay them? RM8 for a whole day's worth of work and they have to break their backs for it?

I mean WTF???

All Hail the Mangoes!

2008-06-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

It's mango season!!!!! ^__^ And I just can't get enough of it. After durian, I think mangoes are my next favorite . I think I've easily consumed 30kgs of mangoes in the past month. Excessive? Yeah, defi. But hey, it's mangoes! Do you see people complaining about consuming 30kgs of durians in a week, or even in a day? Yeah, exactly.

Smooth, sweet and fragrant, mangoes simply melts in your mouth. I was reading an article in which the author was describing how his Indian friends ate mangoes. The way he wrote it, he painted a rather disgusting picture. But the next thing I know, I was licking the mango juices off my hands as well. So seriously, there's no harm in showing people just how much you really enjoy this fruit.

I highly recommend them during foreplay too. Just keep squeezing the mangoes until it's flesh turns into pulp, nip a small opening, spread it on the tender bits and enjoy. But it does get a bit messy afterward. Or simply share a piece of the fruit in between kisses. That's quite sensual too, especially when you are kissing harder so as to avoid any of the juices from dripping. ; )

Mangoes also acts as comfort food for me. I still remember the days when dad would come home with gunney sacks of Siamese mangoes. And all you do is just eat, eat, eat and eat. I use to sit by the door with the warm afternoon breeze blowing in as I peel those mangoes with my hands and dig in. And I'll be licking the juice off my fingers without even realizing it.

Now that I am relocating to the northern hemisphere I am not sure how I will get my yearly fix of mangoes or tropical fruits. The last I heard, you do get durians there but that's definitely not going to work during foreplay!

Morzilla Firefox 3.0

2008-06-07T12:22:00.000-07:00

I have just installed the Firefox 3.0 and it's so beautiful to use. The GUI is smoother, and it has been design to support more scripts now. Which means you can visit pages that were only design to support IE.

One disappointing fact is that it doesn't support Google toolbar at the moment, but then again it's only a beta version.

Download here.

The Great Indian Cultural Gap

2008-06-07T11:54:00.001-07:00

I had a very late lunch with a few of my colleagues today. Ever since I delivered the project that I was working on with them, I hardly had the chance to catch up with them. We decided on a long lunch just so we could catch up.

As usual, one of the topic that is a must during such a session was about the Indian culture and mentality of it's people. One topic that strike me was how much the new generation has changed.

Sandy was saying that the people of the last generation attain success but had not idea what to do with it. So is created a generation of egoistic, Indians that lacks respect for their own race. But the Indian of this generation (his) are used to the concept of success, so they are able to handle it in a more civilized manner.

But many of the Indians of the last generation (the egoistic bunch) has left India for greener pastures. They are called the NRIs (Non-Residential Indians). They establish themselves in a foreign country and like all Indians maintain a strong cultural identity. So strong that the newer generation inherits the good and bad traits of their parents.

They come back to India, carrying the notion that India today was the India that their parents have left, uncivilized, undeveloped, chaotic and often racist. So they get off the plane with this air of superiority as they chuck all the civilized manners they had learn in a foreign society at the immigration check-point.

They themselves becomes the ignorant bunch. They treat their fellow men without respect as how their parents would have during their time. They shout down at those who are less well off than them and establish a strong sense of hierachy that without doubt is still very much alive in India. Yet considering that they were bred and brought up in a develop country, one would expect more from their mannerism.

It is of course not fair to think that all NRIs are such. But I think Sandy has met a fair share of them to come to this conclusion. But the point I am trying to make here is the gap a person would go through when he leaves his country, his culture and his home to embrace something foreign.

Fortunately for me, Malaysia being a small country, I do not for see myself having experience such a gap. And for the Chinese, perhaps not so much either due to the strict government regulations. But I still find this gap expereince by the Indians very interesting.

Come Home? I really don't think so.

2008-06-05T10:37:00.000-07:00

My bro called me up the day they announced the increase in petrol prices. "Bloody hell, 78 sen." He said. "What?!" I shouted over the phone. It was shocking, my first thought was how could the government do that?

It is not like the Rakyat are doing extremely well at the moment. Inflation is on an all time high, although the government is constantly denying it, yet the mean take home pay has been constant for the past 5 years. The Rakyat isn't blind. The reason that their lifestyle is changing for the worse is for this reason. Perhaps they are not able to see it, but it is definitely impacting them.

During my yearly visit back home this year, I was shocked that a barley ice in a SS2 kopitiam cost me RM1.50. A can drink, RM2.50. I can't even imagine how much the price would be now with the increase of petrol prices. And to add on to that, rumours has been going around that the petrol price would increase to RM4 per liter by August.

It's ridiculous. How will the majority survive? Cars are not getting any cheaper, public transport isn't getting any better, toll rates aren't getting any lower, there will be no quality of life. They will be struggling just to make ends meet. And savings, well, what about it?

The increase of petrol price is unsubstantiated. The picture that has been painted by Petronas is as though the money that they pay the government in the form of taxes are constantly used to subsidies the Rakyat's petrol consumption. If only the government were so noble.

The question still remains, WHERE IS THE MONEY? Has public facilities like health care, transport or education improved? No! Does the government projects tally with the amount that Petronas pays in taxes? No! The government accused the opposition of wanting to use Petronas' money as a mean to an end, but that is only because they opposition is in a position to question them. Do they themselves not use it as a means to an end? Why is the Petronas Twin Towers called Petronas Twin Towers?

According to Karl Marx, revolution happens only after a chaotic state is achieved. Perhaps this is the start of Malaysia's chaotic stage. Not in the realms of the Rakyat, but in the government. And hopefully after this chapter closes, Malaysia will then be able to take the it's first steps as a developed country.

My sister-in-law who was listening to my conversation with my bro started shouting in the background, "Don't come back! There's absolutely nothing here. Don't come back!" Today isn't such a good day. Today, the Malaysian government have once again given the country loving citizens like myself a reason not to come home.

Now listening to.....

2008-03-17T01:34:00.000-07:00

Au Revoir Simone, sounds like a female version of The Postal Service.

Understanding China

2008-03-17T01:16:00.000-07:00

I recently read a book called A Thousand Years of Good Prayers by Yiyun Li. It's a collection of short stories that were very simple to read. Yet, inspite of the simplicity of her writing, Li was able to capture the essense of China and the Chinese race. She successfully painted a post-communistic China that a migrant Chinese like me will never understand. Yet, at the same time, she also captured the decline of the Chinese civilization that I am able to relate to through stories of pre-communist China that I have heard over the years from my elders; the reason behind the exodus of my forefathers from a China that was crumbling due to the imperious administration of new ideologies.

Li, now a naturalized American, grew up in Beijing after the Mao Zedong era. And it is through her stories of everyday Chinese lives abroad and at home, that she capture the essence of this giant communist state in today's world. Through her stories, she captures a facet of a China that perhaps we have heard, but sounded so absurd many of us chose to put it in the dark corners of our mind. Not willing to accept that the motherland we have originated from, a country who's infrastructure rivals that of any other developed nation in the world, a country who is poised to lead the world in this century, could actually still have such uncivilized and savage practices in place. Her stories of everyday live in China tweaked my curiosity to further understand the truth behind it. I researched on some of her claims and to my horror I find that this realities still exist in China. Realities that we will never hear of because of the way news have been strictly regulated. The ideology of a communist China and the horror behind it.

My brother likes to argue with me that communism is dead. I, for one am not a supporter of communism but I am a strong believer in the socialistic ideals that it was build on. Yet the world today is too caught up with it's capitalistic ideals and materialistic gains that it is no longer possible to support it less a world war breaks out. Every country have come to model itself after the number one capitalistic market. We are all taught to live on credit. China and Vietnam have no less made changes to their communistic rule to promote a form of capitalism, subtle as it is it is there and the people are taught to embrace it.

So where is communism now? Dead. It died when the Soviet Union crumbled. It lie dead in the trenches that were build by the Soviet during the Afghan war. It died when the Cold War ended. When did it die in China? I would argue that it died together with Mao Zedong. But the ideal was so deeply ingrain that it needed a few decades to see the trickle down effects of a dying belief.
I despised the way communism has destroyed such a rich and glorious nation. A nation whose historical text were destroyed because of blind ideological beliefs, yet who dares come against it? Lives of entire families disappears over night as soon as one member is labelled a counter-revolutionary.

Change

2008-03-09T22:02:00.000-07:00

It is quite difficult for me to put my feelings into words at this point in time.

No doubt we are only in the initial stages of this change and the opposition has plenty to do to prove us right in electing them. But at the looks of things, they have much to gain in accomplish as much as they can for their constituency.

Without even taking time out to savour the victory, you see the likes of Abdul Khalid Ibrahim and Lim Guan Eng already planning the stratergies for their states. You see reports of team work and elements of racial harmony being preached in local dailies.

Today, I am proud to be a Malaysian.

March 9, 2008

2008-03-08T21:31:00.000-08:00

Today, we see history in the making for this little South East Asian nation. Today, after 39 years of rule by a corrupt and dysfunctional government, we finally see their defeat by denying them a 2/3 majority.

Today, I pray for peace during this time of change for my beloved nation. I pray for the change that would make Malaysia a Malaysia for Malaysians.

Today, is a good day.

Goa 2007

2007-12-03T10:35:00.000-08:00

Firangis in India

2007-12-03T09:42:00.000-08:00

I am suprised at the colonization mentality that still exist in this country, despite the fact Indians are now the ones flying first class and driving the Audi R8s. (I still can't believe I saw one here!) But back to my story.

A friend of mine went to book a cab from his company's travel desk for a training in Mumbai. The conversation basically went like this.

Friend : Hi, my name is so and so. I would like to book a cab to Mumbai for a training.

Attendant: Sure.

Friend : I will require a Toyota Innova.

Attendant : What? An Innova? What band are you?

(Band is something that describes an employees position in the company. The lower the band, the more senior you are.)

Friend : I'm band B.

Attendant : No Innova, only Indicabs are allocated for band B. (Refering to a Tata hatchback. The cheapest option basically.)

Friend : Our customer will be travelling with us.

Attendant : Oh? Customer?

Friend : Yeah.

Attendant : Is he a foreigner?

Friend : Yeah, he's a foreigner.

Attendant : In that case, no problem sir.

Duh ~ !

So if this customer was not a firangi, he would be getting a lesser treatment??

Weekend Trip

2007-05-21T06:55:00.000-07:00

I was in Bombay over the weekend. I like it. The shopping, the rides around Colaba and Marine Drive, and the sweet smell of the ocean.

And like any other metropolitan, it's always fun when you have the cash to spend. It was a good weekend, ate, shopped and ate some more.

I have been highly strung-out lately, with work pilling up, politics and having to move house, again! So like what all stressed out people do, I went to get a haircut, a relaxing wash and colored my hair.

I dyed it blond. Suprisingly it suited me fine. I still had no idea what came over me, it was a spur of the moment decision.

Feeling so empty lately......

War WAR waR

2007-03-23T06:22:00.000-07:00

So, it's been 3 months since I've blogged. First blog for 2007. Not really in the mood to blog though. So much shit has been happening that I don't really know where to begin. Can't wait to take a couple of days off for a trip to Goa for a breather once the dust here settles.

It's summer now. Perfect beach weather. Strong winds and clear blue sky, what else can you ask for a beach of a day?

I recently saw the team work in the team that I will be joining in July. The VP, HOD and managers all work together for the good of the team. I mean, I am a new joinee of rather will be a new joinee only in July and my VP engaged legal and HR in order to challenge the clauses in the contract between my future company and my current one. All this at the request of my HOD. My current one claims that my future one is poaching me. Bullshit.

Anyway, the situation is currently very tensed at the moment. The managers that I use to take orders from, are now taking orders from me because I now represent the client. So it's complicated. Furthermore, after the support shown to me by my future company, these guys are just terrified of me.

Anyways I can't wait to join the new company. At least I won't feel like a second class employee. There might be a relocation to Bombay in the pipeline. But honestly I'd rather remain in Pune. Bombay is fun for a weekend and shopping but I don't really fancy the thought of working there. But if Delhi was an option, I wouldn't mind actually.

Thank god it's the weekend. By the look of things it's probably gonna be a sleep in. I need to travel but I can't afford to get lost at the moment.

I've got 3000 songs on my mp3 player and I can't find one that fits my mood. What a day!!!

2006-12-14T16:58:00.000-08:00

As the year comes to a close, I feel battered, tired and broken.

The past few months have been most difficult. A tear in my own camp and of choosing to step into unknown territory.

Not much thoughts this days. Even if there was, it was rather dark, rather bleak.

The night engulfs you and you willingly sink into it. Quiet. Grey. Darkness all around less the stars that you focus keep in view.

I have never felt like this in a long while. Never felt this disconnected, never felt this scared to be alone for a long time.

Optimism? I will save that for the coming year. I just want to lay here for a little longer. To take rest in the trenches I have dug for the battles of '06. Not wanting to move, just to lay here. To shut my eyes and rest.

The pungent smell of gunpowder still fills my nostrils. Pain. Fatigue. Filthy. Disconnected. Lonely.

Thank goodness it's the weekend!!!

Faith in the unseen and undiscovered strengths. Confidence.

"Across The Universe"

*Originally performed by The Beatles but I prefer Fiona Apple's version.

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,

They slither while they pass they slip away across the universe

Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind,

Possessing and caressing me

Jai guru de va om

Nothing's gonna change my world

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,

They call me on and on across the universe,

Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box they

Tumble blindly as they make their way

Across the universeJai guru deva om

Nothing's gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter, shades of earth are ringing

Through my open ears inciting and inviting me

Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns and calls me on and on

Across the universe

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world

Nothing's gonna change my world

Jai guru deva [Repeat to fade]

Olmpian Odes ~ Pindar

2006-11-06T19:23:00.000-08:00

Single is the race, single
Of men and gods;
From a single mother we both draw breath.
But a difference of power in everything
Keeps us apart;
For one is as nothing, but the brazen sky
Stays a fixed habituation for ever.
Yet we can in greatness of mind
Or body be like the immortals.

Revisiting The Past

2006-10-19T08:01:00.000-07:00

Of Crickets & Frogs

*A repost from July 14, 2005. More for myself than anyone else.

I went for a walk in the plains of India yesterday. I walked and walked and walked. Dwelling deeper into the plains, leaving the bustling sounds of the city behind. There was no destination, no aim, I just walked in the night. I stopped to listen to the sound of the night. In the distance were birds, viewing my presence as a treat, they started chirping furiously away. Unconcerned, I decided to lie down. As i did, i dissapeared. The surrounding bushes swallowed my very existence. Lying there staring up at the crescent moon that was accompanied by clusters of stars, I let myself go. My mind became blank. Thoughts were lost as I lay there. The night breeze, cool and constant eased the tenseness in my body. Was it an hour or was it two? Lying there everything stopped. Motionless. Just the distant sound of crickets and frogs.My mind was able to let go.

My mind eluded the worries and problem that has been brought on by a modern day city life. To become one with nature, I relaxed.

I let go. It is amazing how simple it is to empty your thoughts in the appropriate environment. It is amazing how beautiful India is at night. It is time to rediscover myself.

The Privatization of India

2006-10-05T01:42:00.000-07:00

I was watching a report on a local news channel yesterday. It seems that most of the private energy suppliers in Mumbai are raising the price of electricity.

Reliance has raised their prices by 66% and Tata by 18%. They say that this is due to the increasing cost of electricity and also to make up for past losses.

The news report, naturally, reported on the effects on the common man due to the recent price increase. The common man is a term use to describe the group that makes up most of the population in India. From an economical perspective, the majority of this group earns less than US$100 a month.

Not surprisingly, the government energy supplier has maintain the price of their services. But considering that India is still a developing nation, the stability of the government energy arm would probably leave a lot to be desired.

Under normal circumstances, the state government would step in. For instance, there was a strike earlier this year as a result of the states government's move to privatize the maintenance of the international airport.

As a result of the strike, the airport was left in a very sorry state. Finally, the government came to an agreement with the airport union. However considering electricity is a product it would be much more difficult to actually strike against it.

The public shouted for the state government to do something about the increasing price. But the state government's reply was they are not able to do anything as this is a private corporation. The public has said that they will bring this up to the central government.

But honestly, I'ld be suprised if the central government will be able to do anything about it either.

Welcome to the world of capitalism and privatization!

Home

2006-09-28T12:26:00.000-07:00

"喂~~笨蛋! 起床啦~!!" I woke up to her routine wake up cheer over the phone.

"Ok, see you later." I told her as I kept the phone. I stood up, decided against it and sat myself down at my bed side.

Lost between dream and wake, I thought of the gentle sea, ikan goreng and nyiur muda. The continuation of a pleasant dream for a past that is no longer.

I was by the sea, enjoying the soothing sea breeze and gentle rays of the evening sun caressing my skin. Wake seeps in, do you still remember the smell of the sea? it seem to ask.

The serene picture of the setting sun as you stare into the ocean. The graceful movement of waves on the incoming tide hitting against the shore. Do you still remember the sound? Wake seems to ask once more as it tries again to seep in.

My phone rang. It was my driver informing me that he is down stairs.

I gave up, stood up and prepared myself for another day away from the ocean.

Memories. Dreams. Home.

Iraq Conflict

2006-09-22T13:53:00.000-07:00

I have a customer that has two 1MB satellite circuits connecting their HQ in China and their site in Iraq. Recently, there was a major outage that caused both the circuit to go down. The outage lasted 3 days.

The reason it took so long to restore both the circuits was because the field engineer of the local carrier needed to secure a permit to enter a restricted zone.

I think this is as closes as I will ever get to the conflict in Iraq.

Narcissism

2006-09-15T10:13:00.000-07:00

I was at the gym earlier this week. The one thing that I have always hated about gyms is the breeding ground for narcissism.

I'm okay with gays, but it is the narcist I can't tolerate. Over bloated egos as a result of pumping to much iron.

All the narcisist do is focus on the torso and arms. They go to the gym and spend the whole time pumping iron. This is purely for the reason of vanity, what about health? Isn't that the fundamental reason of keeping in shape?

And they end up having disproportionate body. They have this huge upper body paired with legs like chicken feet.

The kid was telling me that I should give them one whack on the head and do a mini marathon. They'll probably run out of gas after a quarter of a mile.

Help!

2006-09-14T10:38:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been in a situation that you have no idea what to do? Today I found myself in such a situation.

Today, I have been trusted with information that I have been looking for. I got an email confirming something that I have constantly been looking forward to.

Things will change and or things will definetly change. Yet why am I suddently so afraid?

I am afraid because I realize I don't know anything. I am afraid because I am terrified with the fact that I know so little about everything.

I opened a door and willingly stepped into a room that is cold and quiet. Yet, you feel eyes constantly looking you up and down. Analyzing your every move, trying to understand you.

Just when I thought my thoughts were right, I turn around and realize that things are not as they seem.

How does it feel to be thrust into a situation that you are unfamiliar with? When every rock that you turn you find another one below it?

Will I get tired? Will I burn out? Will I fail?

I'm afraid because I really don't know. Am I going too fast? Am I stepping on someone's tail? Am I making a fool of myself? I really don't know and that scares the hell out of me.

For now I just do what I can and do my best and hope for the best. Similar to running, one needs to push oneself to increase the level of threshold. That's life isn't it? To push yourself harder everytime in order to go a little further everytime.

I read this zen saying once, "If one choose not to compete, how does others compete with him?"

Have a nice day.

The World of Murakami

2006-09-10T01:19:00.000-07:00

I recently got my hands on Haruki Murakami's latest book, Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman.

It is made up of 25 short stories which Murakami has written over the past few years. With every page that I turn, and with every story that I finish, I keep telling myself "This does not make sense, this does not make any sense."

After my last two reads being non-fiction books, it took me sometime before realizing that this is a work of Murakami. He doesn't need to make sense, he doesn't need an objective nor aim.

It is just him and his words that brings us on this fantasy ride into his world. And most of the time, I wished that his stories would have gone on and on and on until every characters in his stories have been thoroughly explained through his imagination.

And that is the beauty of his writing.

Finally!!!

2006-09-08T06:08:00.000-07:00

CNN.com - French PM rejects 'war on terror' - Sep 7, 2006

Finding the Middle Path

2006-08-30T15:07:00.000-07:00

I was buying flowers and my housemate commented that flowers are useless because they will die after sometime. But isn't that very much like life?

The flowers at my head rest are meant to brighten up my days until it whithers away. It is the same as how life's experience are filled with fleeting moments of beauty that we can never grap on to forever.

Finding the middle path. Have a nice day!

Never Judge a Book by It's Cover.

2006-08-25T10:03:00.000-07:00

One day, an Ah Pek walks into a Nike showroom. As usual, he was dressed in his Saturday attire. Worn out sports tee, coupled with a pair of cargo shorts and Teva sandals that have seen better days.

Ah Pek : "So how does this discount work?"

Salesman : "All the shoes on this shelve is 50% off. And all the ones there are fresh stock."

Ah Pek stood there, checking out a pair of Air Max.

Ah Pek : "Do you have sizes for these discounted model?"

Salesman apparently annoyed with Ah Pek asking so many questions answered without looking at him. "No, this are limited stock." And walks away.

Ah Pek was checking out other models when he heard, "Excuse me sir, how much running do you do?"

"Why do you ask?" The Ah Pek answered, suprise at the younger salesman's question.

The young chap answered, "You have nice calves."

"I'm doing 5kms a day. I'm trying to push to 10kms if I can find time." The Ah Pek answered, impressed with the observation skill of the young chap.

The Ah Pek picks up the same Air Max he was just checking out awhile ago and ask the young chap if he has it in size 10. The salesman requested the Ah Pek to wait and went into the store to check. He came back out with a pair of size 10 shoe and told the Ah Pek to sit. He proceeded to put the shoes on for the Ah Pek and requested him to try it out.

Satisfied, the Ah Pek decided to buy it. At this moment the first salesman stood next to the younger chap.

"Your colleague here told me that you didn't have sizes for this pair." The Ah Pek commented as he pointed towards the first salesman.

The Ah Pek then turned to the first salesman, "You should learn from your younger colleague here."

"He is our supervisor, sir." The younger chap commented.

"Hah," With a smirk the Ah Pek said out loud, "Then you should take his place, perhaps that would help increase your sales." The supervisor was left mouth opened.

Never judge a book by it's cover.

Satisfaction.

Random Thoughts

2006-08-16T17:02:00.000-07:00

Everday that you live, everday that you learn a bit more. What have you learnt today?

It takes and it gives.

You search and it elludes you, you stand still and it comes to you.

Everyday I become more certain of what I want yet everyday I am faced with more thoughts of uncertainty.

Connection. Connections. Connection. Connections. When was the last time you got connected (to another person)?

Life.

2006-08-15T12:09:00.000-07:00

I will be turning 27 in a few weeks time. I find that it is a bit late to be where I am now, I should have been here at 25. But I have learn to accept my mistakes and admitted that I have made a few wrong turns which has result in wasted time.

Today I find myself working in a global environment. Experiencing first hand the hype that is India. Hopefully, I would be able to find my way into China and to experience the hype that is China. I am actually quite happy with the way things are going at the moment.

I am getting a comfortable pay check, job satisfaction as well as job recognition. And there is the prospect of a relocation in the pipeline. Things are looking brighter than ever before.

So what is this post really about?

I got a call informing me that an old friend of mine has passed away due to leukemia last Tuesday. He was my age.

Mortality has never been a issue that I have questioned. I am 3 years away from hitting my 30s which means that I have at least a good 40 years to go.(hopefully) No, I have never questioned the possibility of death. Never. And when things seems to be sailing smoothly, life seems to give you a slap in the face by taking one of your peers.

He was a rather decent guy. We used to hang out a lot during secondary school as we picked up the habit of smoking together. There was an incident which we bunked school and was caught in my house. That was a rather big issue. Because of us, all those that bunked school that day without a valid reason was penalized. And out of the 5 of us in the group, he was the only one that has successfully quit cigarettes.

In recent years, he switched his profession to that of an insurance representative. That was when he got too pushy. Yes, I know that having an additional policy means extra protection. But pushing people to buy an additional one when people are cash strap is not the way to build customer relations.

While I was back in Malaysia in February, I got news that he was diagnosed with leukemia. I did visit him at SJMC, that was before his bone marrow transplant. He was ok, tired but ok. We joke a little, laughed a bit and I wished him well for the upcoming operations and chemotherapy.

And the next thing I knew, he's gone, just like that. It seems that the bone marrow transplant didn't go as well as intended and the chemotherapy failed after the third round.

FUCK!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS LIFE?!!! WHAT THE FUCK DOES LIFE WANTS?!!!

My condolences to those who have lost.

Buddhist-Christian Parallels - Wikipedia

2006-08-14T09:44:00.000-07:00

Buddhist-Christian Parallels

I found this rather interesting.

But then again, one will always find whatever it is that they are looking for. Have a nice day.

Natural Gas Surges in New York on Hurricane Threat, Heat Wave

2006-08-02T10:22:00.000-07:00

I really can't figure this one out.

Is this the effects of global warming and signs of doomsday or is it that media and IT has made the world so much smaller.

Being a reformed optimist, I would say it's a little of both. Have a nice day!

This is not a Call Centre

2006-08-01T10:21:00.000-07:00

I do not work in a call centre! I repeat, I do not work in a call centre! I am working in a service support centre. Service support centres are not call centres. Get it?!

There is no such thing as outbound or inbound calls for us! We do not sit around waiting for calls! We make calls when we need to and when we have to, anywhere across the globe to rectify any problems that our customers are facing.

We do not service 50 million faceless customers for some credit card company in the US! Neither do we have access to a database with personal information of 100 million satellite subscribers. We have less than 15 customers and each of them have more than 50 processes in place that we need to follow in order to provide a customize service for the customer. (That's CRM for you!)

We don't have to lick our customers' balls everytime they call in. We can tell them to FUCK off (in a polite manner), in order for us to rectify the problem in the shortest and most efficient time frame because we know better! (Sometimes)

We work in a global environment. We deal with people in the Americas to Europe, the Middle East (even in Iraq!) to Africa, Japan, China, North East Asia and Australia.

So get it straight! Service support centres are not call centres. But then again, I guess your puny little placid mind is unable to comprehend that there is more to customer service than just call centres.

Moment of Clarity

2006-07-24T09:22:00.001-07:00

I use to believe that we should never stop our search for answers.

Yet, along the course of my search, the most crucial question that was answered was that the more answers you go in search of, the more questions you would end up with.

Today, I have decided to stop my search. And my irony of stoping was that it was then that my question was answered.

And to those question that has yet to be answered, one learns to accept that it would be answered like today. A spot of sunshine bursting throught the monsoon clouds that just warms you for a moment. A moment the breeze stood still and it finds you.

Clarity. A moment of clarity.

Here Comes The Sun

2006-07-11T10:53:00.000-07:00

Predictable friends vs. unpredictable friends. (I am beginning to fall into the predictable category.)

Remember the Menteri Besar's house on the hill? Getting high and debating over our ideologies of Malaysian society with the skyline of KL city in the distance.

What happened to those simplest of days?

Not that I am complaining about life at present. Things have never looked more certain, and it has never looked more promising than where I am standing now. In normal social terms, I am en route to somewhere. Gaining of experiences and good exposure, learning the meaning of processes and responsibilities. Growing up and maturing and in five years you settle down, have a family, buy a home etc. (Bleargh!)

And you begin to realize that you are going with the flow more than ever. Enough of fighting, and enough of childish ideals (or are they?).

You no longer rebel, you begin to accept the things and comforts that the capitalistic market has to offer. You kick some sense into yourself.

MBA, CCNA, and all those papers that you accumulate to sell yourself better in the working world.

Focus, Focus.

Hey, It's the WC.

2006-07-11T09:53:00.000-07:00

So comes an end to the World Cup. After spending the last month keeping to GMT yet living in a IST zone, I think the end of the tournament is very much welcome. Another two weeks of it and I am certain that I would come down with something.

I have never been a football fan. I wouldn't give an arse about the English Premier League. Yet, I always believe the World Cup is different.

It is the most prestigious trophy that any footballer could dream of holding in their lifetime. And it is this that creates the passion; the passion to make a difference, the passion to push themselves for the love of the game. That is where the difference is. And it is this passion that transform the games into a dazzling array of skills and technicality. The best of the best.

No doubt, this year has been a disheatening one. All my favourites were knocked out. Yet, I dare say they did not disappoint. It was just that they lost to teams that were more superior in their gameplay compared to them.

The way the Germans played has been exhilarating. Their defence seems like a four men wall that moves in unison like waves that is meant to keep their attackers on the off-side. Again and again, in unison they back track or move forward without fail. Yet in the end it was the Italians that broke this wall and scored the two goals at the last 5 minutes of the extra time which saw the end to the German's advances.

I have never really liked the French, as a lot of people that I spoke to, I felt they were stuck-up. But this year my perception of them has changed greatly. Despite the slow start in the qualifying, they came back with such ferocity and intensity that no one could have denied them the goals that they have rightfully earned.

And of course there is the upholder, captain and champion of French football. His name, Zinedine Zidane. From the way he irreproachably handles Teamgeist, he creates a path for himself among the defenders. Back and forth, he zig-zags using a dazzling array of skills and technics as he leaves his opponent in his wake. His performance in the last three games would put that of Ronaldino to shame. And it was exactly because of this that 'he' managed to bring the French into the Finals when everyone else thought they were doom from the very start.

No, I still think that the French rightlfully deserves the cup. There has been a drastic changed in my opinion of the game ever since I started with World Cup 1994. And after every World Cup, I realize that I find myself loving and appreciating the World Cup even more. So, this is to another round of utter joy or pure dejection that only a World Cup can bring. This is to World Cup 2010, South Africa.

Thanks for reading and have a nice day!

60 feared killed in Mumbai blasts - NDTV.com - News on 60 feared killed in Mumbai blasts

2006-07-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

7 bomb blast in the span of an hour. Goodness! The amount of drama that unfolds in India.

Perhaps India is not as ready for the world as the world would like to think.

Asian Giants and Their Personal Problems

2006-06-22T16:18:00.000-07:00

To further understand the effects of globalization, it is crucial to understand the cultural make-up of the main globalizing nations. Two nations that are at the helm of the globalization movement are without a doubt China and India.

If one was to look at China, they would feel that China is one great socialistic turtle; old, bulky and silent. Information regarding their economic progress, military strength and society can be found only after putting in substantial effort.

I do not deny that information regarding the country is readily available through websites such as Xinhuanet or Sina, but information from these websites have gone through heavy government censorship. Based on the governments control on the media, they are able to use PR to the fullest in order to create an image of themselves that they see suitable for the world.

China has in the last three decades, under the policies of Deng Xiao Peng's administration open its doors to foreign investments. As such, they have also opened their doors to foreign influence and capitalism yet preserving a balance under a communist administration. I would term China's method of capitalism as crony capitalism.

The way crony capitalism works is that funds and position is given to those that have been working or link to government positions. There are two ways to look at this. One aspect is that by doing so, the government is able to trust that multi-million dollar government loans will be put to good use as such individuals will have a proven track record of effectiveness and capabilities when they were in government positions. But the downside would be that of a typical government that tolerates cronyism.

The larger the population, the bigger the knowledge pool. However there is not enough information that is coming out of China at the moment for one simple reason. If we were to do an internet search, most of the results yielded on search engines would be that of American, European or Australian websites. This is due to the language barrier that is faced by China today. This brings me to my thoughts on India.

In terms of knowledge pool, I believe that both countries are at par. Both have their own education system that puts their students through heavy competition. Yet one of the main reasons that India is more prominent in the world is due to their efficiency of the English language and Bollywood.

We should not deny the power of media. Considering the Indian's ability to portray themselves in the eyes of the world in an extravagant and colorful manner, it is not difficult to understand how Bollywood is able to further propel India on the international front.

However on the social front, India faces the same problem as China, an increasing gap between the upper and lower class. Again, this is due to the effects of the India’s liberal take on the media that the world has become more aware of India's poverty plight compared to that of China.

MNCs can dump their processes on Indian soil without being concern of a communication barrier. After all, the aftermath of British colonization in a positive aspect would be that of a British education system, Victorian infrastructures and the English language. Hence, the ability to provide efficient outsourcing processes to their customers across the world.

The locals that I meet here are proud of their motherland and most of them share the mindset that India possesses everything under the sun. This notion is of course open to debate, however we should always be courteous enough to leave our shoes at the door when we enter another person's home.

In terms of India’s administration. Cronyism is rampant and bribing is a way of life here. Yet government are unable to privatize government bodies for the fear of strikes. As the government federal republic state, hence their liberal take on the media.

At the rate both countries are developing, it will not be long before we see a shift of world power from America and European countries to Asia. But before the switch over takes place, there is a lot of issues that this two emerging Asian nations need to deal with in their backyard. Until they are able to that, their mindset and attitude will not be matured enough to lead today's modern day world.

Fuck! I can't believe how sloppy my writing is. Anyway, thanks for reading. Have a nice day.

a lil' old skool rock shall we?

2006-06-21T16:41:00.000-07:00

Nutshell ~ Alice In Chains

We chase misprinted lies
We face the path of time

And yet I fight

This battle all alone

No one to cry to

No place to call home

Oooh...Oooh...

My gift of self is raped

My privacy is raked

And yet I find

Repeating in my head

If I can't be my own

I'd feel better dead

Oooh...Oooh...

Random Thoughts

2006-05-31T09:12:00.000-07:00

They say time heals all wounds. I am thankful that time has been flying pass me.

It's suprising how a discussion on world politics is able to make the worse of days into a so much more interesting one.

America is good at playing international politics. Bastards.

Seeing a lot of long lost acquaintances on IM tonight. Strange.

Strange that the monsoon is so much more moody this year.

Can't believe a year has passed me by.

Have a nice day!

For Whom The Wedding Bell Tolls

2006-05-18T02:47:00.000-07:00

I got an sms informing me my ex-girlfriend is getting married.

I found 8 wedding invitations in my inbox. All from the same person, but I think he was too excited and decided to send one hourly because somehow no one had replied to his invitation in the past 8 hours.

But on a more serious note I find myself thinking, Dude, you are seriously reaching that age in life. When I met up with friends during my recent break, some of them have either settled down or are starting to settle down. They buy property, talks about job stability, can't go travelling cause they are saving every penny for an unforseen future (which I believe is marriage).

Nope. That isn't for me, at least not at this point in time. I have wasted my last few years chasing those dreams that now lie crumbled in dust. It's going to be for myself now. Marriage is the last thing that is on my mind.

But sex is always still good though. ; )

But for my brother who has had enough of deflowering girls. I offer to you my heartiest congratulations on finding the one that you can't live without.

In the words of Johnny Tan a.k.a the unofficial brother of the Lim family. "u r looking for a wife.. not a pussy..". Cheers Johnny! Cheers!

Talk about being lazy.......

2006-05-15T10:04:00.000-07:00

I want a Wikipedia toolbar!!!!!!!!! Like my Google toolbar, except it is Wikipedia. That would be cool. Saves up on the action of scrolling down or having to type www.wikipedia.org. Talk about lazyness.

Have a nice day!

Thoughts on Family

2006-04-15T03:47:00.000-07:00

As I secured the bolt of the gate, I heard the laughter of an old man and a toddler three generations apart. I was glad to have heard the laughter of my old man. It has been awhile since I've heard such a hearty laugh from him. Truth be told, the three extra weeks I got to spend back in Malaysia has been worthwhile.

Adr came up with the idea of starting a project between the bros. It sounds like an interesting idea but I am cautiously optimistic due to the nature of it. I find Eug's enthusiasm towards the entire project commendable. Perhaps he has had enough of the working world. Being the righteous and ethical person that he is, it isn’t a very hard choice for him to quit his engineering job once the project takes off.

With their years of experiences in the working world, I believe they have seen much of it and there is something that they share a mutual dislike regarding it. Take Adr for example, managing a US$3million startup with the probability of an IPO in the near future. Yet he does not want to see it through due to his conviction that it is better to use his effort and time to start something that is his own.

Nope, nothing in regards this project is certain, but one thing is for sure is that this is no longer a game. If I intend to drive my Evo before I become a dad, I think I should very well jump on the bandwagon.

But one thing is for certain and it’s that during this past three weeks I’ve finally come to recognize the family ties between my family once again. To feel the warmth and the care of a family. To be able to be yourself yet have conversations that seeks resolution to the well-being or direction to be taken as an extended family.

There is no doubt that credit should be given to Adr and Amy for opening their house so freely for the rest of the family to commune. Amy took the effort to create the space in her own family for the rest of us to get together. Of course, it is a plus for them that all of us becomes part-time baby sitters for their little monster.

But in the past five years ever since mom died, this has been the first time I have experience the feeling of home once again. I’m not sure if it was because of Ald or was it because of God’s grace, but there has been a distinctive change in Adr. And as a result, it has renewed my respect for him as a bro.

Overall, I’m glad that I had the chance to rekindle the relationship that has been lost between my family members all this while....or rather to form new ties that are more matured and respectful towards each other. It is no doubt a good experience.

Have a nice day.

Random Thoughts

2006-04-03T04:24:00.000-07:00

One day, one day there will be enough strength.

The world doesn't look cooler behind shades and the lense of a camera will never capture the beauty of life.

A letter with stamps and envelops says much more than a hundred eletronic mails.

A lenghty blog with fancy words doesn't necessarily carry more meaning than a short one.

It is not the length that matters but the content.

Broken hearts never mend overnight.
Broken hearts never love overnight.
Broken hearts never trust overnight.
Broken hearts takes time.

To heal we first need to give.

It's been a pleasant day. Have a nice day.

Kuala Terengganu

2006-03-02T00:25:00.000-08:00

I am about to go home now. It is weird that after two years of not going home, I am suddently not keen at the thought of it. Perhaps it is because I am not willing to revisit my past. Perhaps it is because I am not willing to leave the comforts of city life.

I don't know what is in store in the next 5 days, but I know it will be a time of contemplation and thought.

(Sometimes I can't help but to think how far I have come since Kuala Terengganu.)

Have a perfect day.

月亮代表我的心

2006-02-13T13:32:00.000-08:00

你问我爱你有多深
我爱你有几分
我的情也真
我的爱也真
月亮代表我的心

你问我爱你有多深
我爱你有几分
我的情不移
我的爱不变
月亮代表我的心

轻轻的一个吻
已经打动我的心
深深的一段情
教我思念到如今

你问我爱你有多深
我爱你有几分
你去想一想
你去看一看
月亮代表我的心

Remembering you. Have a nice day.

And the Year Passes You By

2006-02-12T11:20:00.000-08:00

Another month to go and it would mark my one year in India. It is amazing that the older we get the faster time passes us by . When I was young, I used to wish that time would pass faster. Constantly having the thought of growing up, more than not for the reason of wanting to live my own life. Now at 27, I find myself desperately trying to turn back the hands of time and to slow time down. But this is life and there is no turning, no going back in time. We are destined to motion forward towards an unknown and sometimes uncertain future.

Heck, anything can happen within the spand of a year. I mark my last year with leaving Malaysia, considering that it was the biggest change that have ever occured to me in life. India is amazing, I hated it when I first arrive, but I'm feeling so comfortable now that I fear I am developing a false sense of foreignness as my thoughts shifts to my trip back to Malaysia in the coming week.

The thought of not having a home is a sad one. Malaysia is no less of a home to me now as India is. Other than family and friends in Malaysia, what is in store for me?

A way of life? No, that isn't the case. After India, I think I can very well survive anywhere.

Food? Definetly, but it would be ridiculous to merely define home with food.

I think the fact that my future plan do not incorporate Malaysia in the picture basically speaks for itself. Let's face it. There isn't any Kuala Terengganu, no more Batu Buruk, no more waking up to the sound of the sea. The only picture of what home is or was is no longer there. The smell of the South China Sea is different than it was in my younger days.

Yet at the same time, India will never be home for me. I am just a passing stranger. One who stops to seep chai and to draw on the experiences and colors that this country's richness has to offer.

But whatever it is, as the years pass you by, you learn to break more chains, to experience more in life and to learn more of the beauty that is life. Home or no home, I believe for a drifter like me, home is what I choose to make out of it.

Have a nice day.

2006-01-27T13:18:00.000-08:00

Whenever I listen to Jim Chappell's wonder, I often think of you. The song touches the deepest, darkest corners of my heart. A part that still wonders what have been, what might have been and what could have been.

No, I miss you in the deepest sense. But I think the both of us can do without the regrets of the past.

Take care my dearest. Have a nice day.

2006-01-17T15:25:00.000-08:00

Feeling kinda lousy today. Must be the graveyard shift taking it's toll. Thank goodness this is the last night of the week. 6 days of sleeping in the day and staying awake through out the night is horrid. I mean I want the sun.

I'm gonna rant. Idiots are at it again. It's pissing me off. Can't they just realize that their time will come? And for those whose time has passed, grow up and stop acting like a kid. Despite me considering myself a kid, I think my level of EQ is much more matured than theirs. Decency people!!! Let's have some fucking decency shall we?! Fuck. I meet more normal and matured people outside the circle than inside. The only reason I have a foot inside is probably because of my sense of patriotism, but they are a fucking embarrassment.

Didn't know my mood was so foul. But I believe watching the sunrise on my way home would perk me up somewhat. Good day.

Happy

2006-01-16T12:24:00.000-08:00

I am not feeling well today, it was probably because of something I ate from the night before. On the way to work, I sat in the cab, slightly dazed, staring into the night, feeling lousy and tired.

Suddently, my cab driver looked behind and asked "Sir, why you are not happy today?"

I was pleasantly suprised at the question and I told him I was ill. Happy was never a word that I have used to describe my character. It never occured to me that I would come across as a happy person. It is funny how time changes someone.

Life is beautiful and so are you. Have a nice day.

Falling....

2006-01-15T04:22:00.000-08:00

I was on campus the other day. I went up to the terrace of a building to wrap up my day. To feel the final hints of the sun's warmth as it retreats and to greet the coolness of winter night.

On the west i saw the setting sun and to the east i saw the early winter moon hanging over mid morning. the sight was beautiful. Seeing the silhoutte of a flock of birds flying past the glowing amber that the setting sun luminates was a beautiful sight.

so simple yet so beautiful. It was at this moment that i realise i am happy here.

I told a friend this and she asked me if i was falling in love. I told her i am. I am falling in love with India. Despite all the pollution, the large population, and her lack of infrastructure, India has something about her that we will not see as a passing stranger but only as a friend who choses to stay.

Have a nice day.

Keith, the Hair Stylist

2006-01-11T23:17:00.000-08:00

I went for a haircut a couple of days back. It was a nice saloon. When I say nice I meant it looks like a proper saloon and not your typical Indian barber shops. After 8 months of Rs25 haircuts, I was willingly bought over by the prospect of getting a decent haircut.

My hair dresser was a man in his mid-thirties with an earing on his right ear lobe. And customary of a hair dresser, there were the occasional small talks during the haircut. The conversation was more personal than professional. He was asking me about the things I do to past my time, the places I normally have my meals and etc. Perhaps he was prying but I was just too caught up with the thought of my hair finally being handled by a professional.

As he finished with the haircut, he ask me a question. "So tell me Victor, do you feel lonely?"

I looked at him. He ignored my glance. I answered, "No...no...I don't feel lonely." But I guess he did.

Despite having an earing on his right lobe, I did not think much of it. From my point of view, the homosexual expression of a right earing is passe. However given the conservative nature of the Indian society, I guess homosexuals still need to rely on such form of expressions.

By the way, the haircut sucked.

Happy 2006!

2006-01-01T01:07:00.000-08:00

A new day and a new year. It has been quite some time since I have been as excited and enthusiastic about a New Year. I have no doubt that 2006 is going to be a significant year for me, a start to something that is great in my life.

I was listening to an Alternative Rock station on World Satellite Radio a couple of days ago. There was an appealing line up of songs by bands such as Alice in Chains, Soundgarden, and Nirvana. During the interval, the DJ announced that it was an hour of non-stop classic alternative music. Classic alternative? I thought to myself as I question if such a term actually exist. It took me awhile to realize the actual implication of these bands being considered classic.

I spend the crucial years of my teenage life listening to these bands. Undeniably, it was these bands that fuelled my teenage angst as well as the rage that lead me to developing a rebellious spirit and the need to question authority. I had to finally admit it, I am growing old. Yet it only seemed like yesterday that I was growling and head banging to their songs. Kurt Cobain is dead, so is Layne Staley and Soundgarden is now defunct. I think it is time to accept the fact and move on.

I will be turning 27 this year. From the looks of my hands, it does look like that of a 27 year old. With the veins protruding underneath my skin, the expanded ligaments of my knuckles owing to the many cracks I have made to relax my fingers after hours upon hours of typing on a keyboard. Yet, whenever I look into the mirror, I still see the eyes of a 16 year old boy. A twinkle in it that belies the mischief, as someone might say, which refuses to die and the craving to discover the mysteries and answers that life hides itself from the unpolished eyes of the masses.

Despite what some might think I feel the older we get the more we should expect in life, we should always have the courage to discover much more. No doubt, sometimes it is scary to step out of your comfort zone. To drop the cloak of innocence that has all this while enveloped your very being, protecting you from the harsh realities of this world. Yet, at times it is necessary to step out of this field. And at times, life just pushes you into the world without giving you a say.

2005 has been a significant year for me. It is this year that I lost something extremely close to my heart yet it was also 2005 that I realize my own capabilities to rely on myself and not my environment to live a fulfilling life. Humans are such, we never realize what we have until we loose it. Neither do we realize the strength and courage in us until we are put into a situation that forces us to face it alone. Yet this is a lesson that we can only experience as we continue the journey that is life. Everything is an experience in the journey in life isn't it? The void and the pain that resulted from the lost is unmentionable. Yet the release that comes from the realization of it is like a burst of sunshine after a long cold winter night.

It was no doubt a very difficult period, the road to recovery took on a telescopic view, a tunnel that seems to stretch on and on without a hint of light at the end. You walk and walk in the darkness, banging on doors that are bolted, raising questions that doens't have answers. Yet today, I sit here typing this, knowing that I have recovered and I have reached the end of the tunnel. And despite all, the wounds heal. It will, it always will and that is the beauty of life.

Life is beautiful. And it is such experiences that teaches us to love and appreciate life so much more. To live life with such vigor that at the end of everyday, we smile in our sleep from the exhaustion of having lived for the day. Trials and hardship only makes us stronger. It breaks us, so that we can mould ourselves again. Better and bringing us ever so closer to perfection than before.

It has been a long time since I have been this enthusiastic and excited regarding a new year as I am now. There is just so much to look forward to. First of all it is the sense of freedom that I feel. I finally have the chance to disappear completely if I wanted to. Yet now that I have this chance, it is no longer that which I want. There is so much that is in stored for me that to disappear completely would only be a waste. I guess it is the sense of release. To be a person I have always wanted to be or would like to be and to not let the circumstances or environment hold me back.

And as I am slowly establishing myself, things that I have always wanted is finally coming to me. Opportunities, maturity and wisdom to make right choices. Basically, from where I am standing now, I know the future is going to get better.

As my dad always say, life is a learning process. So true. Happy New Years everyone. Cheers!

Malaysia

2005-12-25T16:46:00.000-08:00

Just as I was starting to have a renewed optimism over the direction that the Malaysian government is taking, I read about ridiculous stories in the papers.

When will they learn?

Scientists watch for birth of a new sea

2005-12-16T09:24:00.000-08:00

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/10403251/

Despite humanity's rape of mother nature, it's great to know that she is still evolving.

But of course, we would all be long gone before it does become a sea.

Coffee, Cigarette and a Sun Rise Break

2005-12-03T11:12:00.000-08:00

You perch yourself on the balcony, leaning against the railing, you feel its coldness at the touch of your skin. You slouch as you rest your chin in the palm of your hands. Staring at the horizon, slightly drowsy, slightly dreamy, you sigh ever so gently.

The unassuming sphere rises little by little, illuminating a slumbering realm, melting away the mist that covers the land. You take a deep breath, the cool morning air mix with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee awakens your every senses. You seep at your coffee.

The cool morning breeze caresses your skin, still cold from the winter nights. Gazing into the horizon; diaphanous clouds teases at the nakedness of the sun’s glory. You light your first cigarette of the day, smiling at the irony of polluting the fresh morning air you have just enjoyed.

You smile at the sight of a new day.